Mike, a client, was in my office last week and we were talking about the negativity bias that we humans have; the hardwired part of our brain that seems to seek out the negative. He mentioned that when he’s driving, he notices and reacts to every red light. Mike laughed while talking about his brother-in-law who becomes furious and counts the red lights that slow him down.
He stopped for a minute and then asked, “Do you ever wonder why we don’t get as excited about green lights as we get pissed about red lights? I mean, if every time we hit a green light we got thankful and happy wouldn’t it be awesome?” Absolutely, Mike! As a matter of fact, I think Matthew McConeghy wrote a book about something like that. So if Mike sees it, and Matthew sees it, I’m sure you’ve noticed it too. We are programmed to be on the lookout for negative events because to the still-“caveperson”ish part of our brain, negativity equals danger.
That old part of our brain exists solely to keep us alive. Positive, fluffy, happy things are rarely out to kill us (unless you get them wet or feed them after midnight*). We don’t need to be on the lookout for those things, so our brains don’t immediately react to them. We’re hardwired to keep an eye out for danger. The problem with the old brain is that it’s not very smart. It can't tell the difference between physical and emotional danger or between the present and the past. As you’ve probably noticed, this can wreak havoc in our lives. Energy follows attention, so when our attention is focused (however unconsciously) on negative events, thoughts, and emotions, we create a painful environment for ourselves.
If this is all automatic, is there anything we can do about it or are we doomed to live under a black cloud of negativity? This is where the news gets a little brighter. All of us have the ability (or at the very least are capable of learning) to override this natural inclination. Remember that this drive toward negative events and thoughts is rooted in fear and survival. Knowing this and understanding some basic brain physiology, we can map out a plan to get back in the driver’s seat.
Earlier, we mentioned the “old part” of our brain. In Imago, we call the brainstem and its associated parts the “old brain” because it is indeed very old. It’s the part of our brain from which everything else evolved. The brain stem’s sole purpose is to keep us alive. It controls all of our automatic bodily functions like our breathing and heartbeat. The brainstem is also where survival instincts are found so it’s really, really good at detecting danger. The brainstem connects to our limbic system. This is the part of our brain that is linked to emotion, memory, motivation, and the old favorite; the fight or flight reaction. When our brain stem senses a threat, it’s our limbic system that interprets it. The limbic system remembers that a red light once caused us to be late, get a ticket, or have an accident and immediately triggers the hormones that lead us to our reactions. Before we know it our blood pressure is up, we’ve got a headache, and we’re ruminating about every red light coming up on the way to work.
Obviously, we can’t continually exist in this state. We all know how detrimental chronic stress is to our emotional and physical health. Luckily, there’s a built- in antidote to the negativity problem. Lots of other animals have a brainstem and limbic system similar to the human brain; but what they don’t share is the most highly developed part of our brain. This part; the ventrolateral frontal cortex, is located right behind our forehead in the frontal lobe. This part of our brain was pinpointed by Oxford scientists less than a decade ago! It’s this area that we rely on to counteract our more primal impulses. It allows us to plan for the future, make complex decisions, and be flexible in our approach to problematic situations. This is the area of the brain we need to activate to counteract the instincts of our older brain. In our moments of greatest awareness, we are able to call on our higher brain to recognize and modulate the “drama” of the brainstem and limbic system. It’s what allows us to say, “The 2 minutes I spend at this red light will have virtually no impact on the rest of my day and it gives me a chance to take a nice long drink of my coffee!”
In order to take full advantage of the frontal cortex, we need to exercise and strengthen it.
We can do this through word games (the Wordle craze is a great example), gratitude practices, meditation, learning a new skill, and intentional positive thinking. Healthy eating and sleeping habits don’t hurt either. Next time you hit a red light, take a slow deep breath and a long drink of that skinny (or full fat extra shot) latte and focus on the here and now. More importantly, next time you make the elusive green light, celebrate your win! It’s the little things that get us through; don’t let them go unnoticed!
Next blog we’ll talk more about our brain’s reactions to perceived danger and how this wreaks havoc in our relationships. Remember; consciousness, curiosity and compassion will lead you to connection every time!
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